cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
