You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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