wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
