dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
