Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
