Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize