My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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