i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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