i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Floor bacon is actually really good
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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