If i come over, it means nothing
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
