$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
