you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
