yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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