So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
