hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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