do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
