I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
