tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
