why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
