that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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