Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
