with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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