I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
