Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
