so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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