After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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