I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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