I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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