I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize