I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize