i think my mom watched the whole time
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
