They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
