there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
