i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
