he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
