he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize