you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
