Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
