i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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