Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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