it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
