wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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