I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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