its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
