Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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