1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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