you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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