Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
