my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize