She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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