Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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