If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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