Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
