i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
