i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
