the condom got lost in my hair
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you win again, gameday.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
They took my balls.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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