Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Let's get the cat blown out
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