Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
