Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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