explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he fucked my hip out of place.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
