Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize