there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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