my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
