i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
