belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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