I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
