so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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