dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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