Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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