That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
