exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
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