Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
