I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
